Punking Out at the Edge of Leadership

Come to the edge with me my friends.

The edge you reach when it’s time to expand your energy and activate your vision.

You see the vision. You see it clearly, and it freaks you out a little.

I know, because I’ve been there.

The vision for the BeHER Collective rushed in the early days of May, 2025. The call to action, the business strategy and direction, the impact and influence, all layered into the vision with ease and excitement. The vision: books, a new podcast, a magic school for women, the academy for intuitive development, expanded work with women in leadership, and events globally.

When I shared the vision with trusted women their response was always the same, “Yes I see it, and you are so clear.”

I was clear, until I punked myself out.

When it came time to let go of the old way, close my business Big Life Magic, and usher in the new vision, I became overwhelmed, indecisive, and anxious. It all felt like a LOT. I would remind myself that I was the woman to do it, that I had the resources and the know-how, and every day I would align to the vision. And, it felt hard.

The early punk out symptoms were emotional eating, brain fog, and severe procrastination. I kept aligning, and some days I felt the vision coming to life, and some days it felt hard.

My slide into freak out and punk punches led to the night the plane did not take off. I sat on the runway for five hours from midnight to five a.m. New York City in my sights and we never left the tarmac. I was city bound (or so I thought) to attend two special events, one where I was the host of the final ever Big Life Magic event. Both events were pivotal, they felt like the antidote I needed to get me to the alignment that matched my vision and to the creation of The BeHER Collective.

By 6:30 I was off the tarmac and back home. As I rolled my suitcase across the grass my husband asked me what I would do next.

My reply: “I don’t know.”

My response: Complete punk out!

Within a week my trip was cancelled, my sobriety was challenged, my marriage took some blows, and my computer crashed.

The vision remained clear, but I was not!

As I dusted myself off and picked up the broken pieces, I knew what to do next.

Return to the foundation of alignment. Call back my power. Remember who the f**k I am.

In the following days I shifted from freaked out to aligned and activated. I could, as I know the steps to take. I know alignment and I know how to return.

I started with my body. I cleaned up my nutrition and put away the chocolates that had been sweetening my descent into freak out. Clear the gut, clear the mind.

I reflected on my punk out punches and teased out my why. Why did I do that to myself? What was I afraid of, and where was the energy leak draining my clarity?

I dug deep and found the seed of my discontent. The seed that grew the weeds. I pulled that sucker out from the root.

I moved my body, journaled with frenzy, meditated, napped, and continued to remind myself of who I am and what I’m capable of.

I surrendered the perfect process and leaned back into my intuition and began to open up the path of possibility.

I told the truth to myself, my community, and dared to share my shadow.

Within a week I shifted from punked out to red hot good to go.

Not necessarily a comfortable shift, but one worthy of me, my leadership and my vision.

I’m back in the game, and most days I’m winning.

Will I punk myself out in the future? Very possible, my friend. This is the truth of alignment. We oscillate in and out.

The magic is in the return.

When we learn about our alignment, when we become conscious of how our intuition can be our co-creative partner, when we care for ourselves from the inside out, we learn how powerful we are. We learn, and then we build muscle. Not the forceful hustle muscle, the muscle of intuitive wisdom and aligned leadership.

When we know alignment we develop trust, and the muscle gets stronger.

The stronger the muscle, the quicker the return.

I am not the only leader who has punked herself out.

Many women I work with in leadership alignment begin by sharing the double edge sword they hold in their hands. One edge is the clear vision and the affirmation that this vision is theirs to manifest. The other edge is the fear that maybe they won’t be able to pull it off.

Here’s the trick!

The fear can be transmuted into fuel. The fear is the sludge that sticks to the edge to hold us back. It is the ego mind and nervous system pleading with us to not change, to deny expansion.

The vision and clarity that leaders see lives in the realm of possibility and alignment. It lives in the ethers, teasing us to play.

The punk out lives in our minds and our bodies. We are after all earthbound and so very human. We are both fragile and strong.

The alignment of a leader is in the building of belief, the surrender to intuitive wisdom as navigator, and the willingness to look the fear in the face and say, “No, you don’t get to win.”

Every edge of our expansion will return us to the sword and its edges. It’s how we grow.

The side of the sword that wins is the one you wield and then weave with. Inspired vision or Fear? You choose. We all get to choose.

My hot tips, post punk out.

Notice the symptoms early, reach to resources or mentors for support, and remind yourself that you are freaking magical and thai vision has been gifted to you. It’s yours to manifest, and that is both scary and exciting. Be real with yourself and notice the energy patterns that are winning. Choose the patterns and people that feel good, and choose to commit and not force. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, so choose to see the discomfort as growing pains, and grow.

Here’s the kicker to this story.

The plane did not take off on June 12th. It is now July 4th and I am one week away from the launch of the BeHER Collective, and the punk out is lingering in the shadows. I sense it. I see my fear and ego freak out, I taste my desire for sweetness, I feel my nervous system asking me to slow down.

The kick is, I am not kicking myself. I spent this morning finishing the novel I was reading and took a spontaneous nap. That was my anti-kick move. I chose to calm the f**k down and relax to receive. I am now typing with glee, as I was committed to sharing this story today, and it is not being forced as a task to do, it is what I want to do. Whenever I feel the punk getting closer, I slow down. I am moving at a pace that feels nourishing and everything that needs to get done, is doing just that, getting done in the sweet time of divine wisdom and my commitment to be an aligned leader.

My friends, alignment is everything. Every time a leader learns this, the realm of women’s leadership breathes a deep sigh and then expands.

Big Love,

Deb D

P.S. Curious about BeHER Leadership Alignment? Reach out and I will share more about the work I do with leaders on the edge of their vision.